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| i was watching nacho libre the other day, and there's a scene where the esqueleto, nacho's gucci-loving partner in crime, tells nacho he has never been baptized because he only believes in science... then nacho proceeds to shove esqueleto's head into a water basin and perform one of the quickest, most unceremonious baptisms in history... anyways, it made me think how demoralizing it is to concede that science is your only credence, that no matter how assiduous you are in all your endeavors, how unselfishly and benevolently you live, the truth is that the universe doesn't care how you end up. that's why more and more i'm warming up to the charms of karma. true or not, it's somehow uplifting to think that people get what they deserve. now everything that happens to me that is slightly correlated to a good or bad deed i helped perpetrate is attributed to karma, however tenuous those links may be. the other day, for example, i was being given a haircut by this chick who had been mugged at fist-point the night before, two eves prior to christmas eve. altogether, her and her boyfriend lost about $200 in christmas gift money in the altercation (mind you, this was in costa rica so multiply that by about ten for the relative value of the loot here in the us of a). needless to say i felt bad for her and gave her a generous tip that was about twice what the haircut was worth (the tip was only $10 so with the haircut i spent a grand total of $15, so it's not like i'm claiming to be mother theresa here)... she let out a happy chirp when i handed her the money and naturally was immensely grateful. now the next day, i took the same walk to the mall where the salon was to purchase some trinkets to take home and voila, i find $20 on the ground just outside the mall begging to be picked up. that, i told myself, is f'ing karma at work (just to keep the cycle going, those $20 eventually ended up with a subway panhandler who was equally as grateful). granted, i should be the last person to be catechizing about karma--if anything, shit just happens to fall on my lap all the frigging time for absolutely no reason whatsoever. i'm more like the anti-karma. but it still makes me feel better to believe in some semblance of justice in this world. | | |
| it has been a pretty interesting year, i would almost venture to say a productive year in terms of advancing my life... it's not that i'm making more money, though i am, nor that i developed more long-lasting friendships, though i have, nor that i found my life calling, for i haven't by a long shot... it has been a productive year because i've been puzzling over for months now how to best achieve the balance in my life that will maximize my ephemeral stay here on earth. and every time you do that, well, you get a little bit closer to formulating a general plan to get to wherever you want to go. here is my rough draft so far:
-i don't need any material things so i will only spend a piddling amount of my time accumulating them
-i do, however, need to make money to hang out with friends and family wherever they want to hang out, so i'll have to work enough to ensure i have the means to do that whenever the opportunity arises
-i need to sporadically help other people in the form of charity or community service not to save the world, but to feel i'm not an utterly self-centered person as that would kill my psyche (if i thought i could save the world i would, but as i see it the odds are so stacked against me and the people who control the world are so adamant about keeping the status quo, i.e. keeping the rich rich and the poor poor, that it would be a waste of time for me to dedicate a lifetime to a cause with such a low possibility of reward)
-i want to retire when i'm forty-five, not necessarily because i don't want to work, but because i feel the chances of me finding a life calling that can support my lifestyle are slim to none and i don't want to waste that much time doing something i feel 'eh' about; i also dread the thought of getting fired past the age of 45 and having to compete with wide-eyed and bushy-tailed twenty-somethings like my current self for a job (as i see it, my current self should beat out any 45-year-old for any position i am remotely qualified to fill as i'm cheaper, faster, better)
-i don't want to end up alone with no wife to take care of me, no children to exasperate me and no grandchildren to adore me (all three would be nice)
so far, i would say i'm about a fifth of the way through, which makes it seem like i'm a little behind schedule but i figured i needed a lot of life experience to even set these goals, so in actuality i would say i'm doing ok. at least until i decide to do another life overhaul. shit. never mind, plans are for suckers.
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| a 6-year-old girl going down a rusty slide, she was so giddy when she reached the ground she couldn't stop laughing, jumping in place and flapping her arms like a hummingbird all at the same time, aching to get back up again... jooji and i walk past her and then look at each other --the jealousy spilling out of our eyes-- and share one thought: "yup, those were the good ol' times"
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| i was watching civilian-shot footage of 9/11 the other day on the history channel and it left me brooding for a good couple of hours... i even kind of saw why people would be swayed by that bimbo palin's peremptory directive to never apologize... but then i thought about it a little more and came to my senses... what i mean is that though the attacks were not defensible in any way, that doesn't mean there was no rationale behind the anti-american sentiment that originated the schematics of that day by the taliban... after all, we couldn't be so naive as to believe that 100 years of capitalist imperialism and blind, unfettered privatization of other nations' livelihoods for our own gain would not come to bite us in the ass at some point... so that morning we got a wake-up call that in more ways than one made us acknowledge that profit isn't and can't be everything... that the aphorism "money makes the world go 'round" doesn't have to be true... that we don't have to look over our shoulder in cynicism but rather that we should lift each other up if we see someone dragging their feet... but then i look around today and somehow it seems we didn't learn anything (it certainly didn't help that the first thing we were told to do was to go shopping)... it's milton friedman circa 1962 all over again... the shareholder is king... it's all retchingly sickening if you ask me... after all, how can you be proud of a nation that values corporations over lives? that measures people on the thickness of their wallets rather than their character? do i really want to live somewhere where dollars are the fabric of society and not families and friends? where lending a helping hand is only a viable option when it doesn't hurt the bottom line? where the rich get richer and the poor... well, you know... maybe if these are the tenets of free-market capitalism and the founding principles of our nation, we should take a step back and rethink everything on the off chance that this greed-is-good lifestyle may not be worth our collective dysphoria... so what to do, what to do, what to do... i guess first things first, no? i should start by apologizing. | | |
| I'm 28 and this is what I've learned so far:
-Be nice; you won't get as far but you won't feel like a dick doing it
-Don't work too hard unless you enjoy it; otherwise it'll make you miserable
-Spend time doing charity once a month; it replenishes the soul
-Have a dog at all times; if your building doesn't allow one then move since you don't really want to live there
-Don't worry about money unless you're in danger of starving; it'll drive you mad
-Have good friends and spend as much time with them as you can; having people at your funeral is much more important than being able to afford it
-Travel; it provides perspective
-Fall head over heels for someone; you'll learn what true anticipation feels like
-Don't live in excess; it makes you lose sight of the things that are important
-During leisure, do only the things you like unless they interfere with the above; otherwise you're just wasting time
-Learn to enjoy the simple pleasures in life or you'll never be happy
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